Update 5-02

Last week was completely taken up by a series of seminars about "Children in Crisis" which went into a lot of detail about exploitation and the effects of trauma and mental stress on children in post-war environments. It was very helpful but also heart-wrenching, because we are living here among a generation of war-torn personalities and mentalities. Life here is hard, not for myself in particular, but just really for everyone who lives here. As the weeks wind down (I have less than 7 weeks), I am wondering how I will react in my own lifestyle and attitude when I get back to the States. Some days I am just craving for comfort in things familiar, unfortunately the things that are so familiar to me in the states are video games, movies and all the creature comforts. I hope I dont retreat into my comfortable, apathetic lifestyle when I return or it will be better for me to have never to come here. I feel a great burden of responsibility on my shoulders, but my Christ says that his burden is light. And this may mean that I have simply to live and influence the world in the small things that I may, even though they seem insignificant in view of larger, harder problems.

Pray for me to live open-handedly and generously, its so easy to continually live life grasping for whats your own and trying for absolute sovereignty over a place and time that is not my own - even my own life is not my own! Day after day walking past the beggars, cripples and blind men led by their children really can bring me down. There is no way I can lift them up, even if I gave all my money away. I have determined to only contribute to those I am in true, sincere relationship in, but that is so hard when the needs are so widespread and problems so multi-faceted and layered. I long for the kingdom to come, along with its justice, and it is come in the small community that I have found here. But it seems as though the church and the world have such a long way to go.

Please pray for me. I am hard pressed some of these days to see life positively, and the point was long past when there were easy answers. Living with the poor is impossible for me, with the prospect of returning home to the states and securing safety with a US citizenship, but I must attempt to bring their voices out of the depths of obscurity and into the spotlight of the church. It's time to stop witnessing to a kingdom of apathy and greed and start witnessing to the upcoming kingdom of peace, justice and love.

Remember the parable about the two armies. One saw the other coming and the wise commander sent his envoy far ahead, as to parley and make peace before the stronger army could come and overtake them. Lets start making peace with the onward coming kingdom and stop sitting on the fence, cherishing our ignorance about injustice, standing aside with hands raised.